Are You Serious?

My car didn't start this morning.  Had to get a ride both to and from the new gig.  How embarrassing, right?

Not as embarrassing as the guy that said to me, "Well, all you have to do is have your husband take a look at it.  He will know what to do.  You have a husband right??"

WTF?  Did he just say that to me???  Are we still in 1950? 

I wanted to deck him.  I mean, of course a chick can't take care of herself, it's 2012 for fuck sake.

So I got home, recharged my battery charger and jumped my car.  It works and I didn't require a penis in the room to do it. 

Fuckin' jerk.

Ya,

You could say I'm still upset....

Reality.

Just like a broken bone that doesn't mend perfectly again neither does a broken heart.

Time Heals All

People always say that when they don't know what else to say.

I do believe the saying has some merit to a degree however; for the most part, time allows you to forget the pain.  I don't think anything heals. You always feel it.  At least your body still does. 

Over and over, you put yourself out there to try and care about someone but it seems they always manage to beat you down.  At some point,  you don't have the strength to get back up.

Winner takes all and your alone.  Again.

Boxers retire.  Maybe daters should too?

I think this dater might.  I don't think I have anything left to give anymore. 

To anyone.

The Troff

My new desk at my new job is apparently situated right outside the area where people bring food to get rid of.  They have named the area "The Troff".

 

There were chocolates sitting outside my desk.

 

Some chick walks by and asks another chick if they want a Chocolate.  

"Hey you wanna chocolate?"

The other chick responds, "I'm gonna have my weight control oatmeal and then I will have a chocolate, That's usually how I roll...."

Today Was Her Birthday

Oh, I how I miss her so...

Luv u little girl. Always.

Published!!!

I submitted an interview for my part time gig and it's finally been published!

Pretty dang happy right now!

Thank you Universe for the lift I needed....  WOOHOO!!!!!

Time Passes

By the time you read the email, I was questioning if it was the right thing.

I'll never know if it was the right thing. 

Match.com

So I got sent some search results from Match.com and I didn't realize I even had a profile there.  I checked out a few of the '100%' matches and felt like I was gonna throw up.

Not because the people were ridiculous but pretty much because the entire realm of trying 'one more time' to find that one person makes me feel ill inside.  I thought I had found that person but it turns out he could have never been that perfect anything.

If he was the perfect one for me, he would have never left.

It's Too Big

Well, some things, can never be too big however it appears that the house or home that I'm now in is bigger than I thought.

I either got rid of more stuff than I realized or this place is way bigger than my other home.  Not that I'm complaining but I feel like I should be filling it up or something.  Maybe it's a little bit of both.  I got rid of a lot of stuff and this place is bigger, I believe by 100 sq feet.

I mean, I have things from my garage AND my home from my other place in this new joint and it all fits AND I have room.

Less is more....  never a bad thing to make a place more zen.

Free Dating Site

So some dude answered an old dating profile today.  The picture is nearly two years old.  Lord knows he wouldn't want to see my recent photo but I updated it anyway.

I'm not sure how I feel about responding back.

Maybe.

Yum Yum

Steamed brussels-sprouts, sauerkraut, pork sausage with potato dumplings...

Yup. It's good.

Vibrations

Have you ever been so in sync with your partner that you felt their vibration?

It's intoxicating.

I'm All Wet...

So the water sprayer in the kitchen sink sticks when you turn it on.  This new joint has a flaw after all.  Small, but a flaw all the same.

I'm sure this weekends sunrises, sunsets and breath-taking moonlight nights over the lake outside my bedroom balcony patio door will surely make up for it.

I'm pretty darn lucky, wet PJ's and all....

Mornings

I wish I could roll over and attend to 'my man' rather than 'my Facebook'.  I'm pretty sure sleeping with your computer is a considered some kind of insanity.

I'm just not sure which kind.  Especially knowing I don't want to date.  Can't a man just magically appear in my life without having to date?

Dating sucks.

Lonesome

I need to find a way to not feel so all alone.

Corporate Crap

So the new job is OK but I'm getting used to the very large corporation bullshit is really hard to swallow.  Every one thinks they have it so bad yet they have had a job for twenty-five years without interruption, a community of work friends and they have more options for advancement than somewhere else that is smaller.

I have been working at this new joint for nearly two weeks and all I hear is what they dont have, want to have and should have rather than where they are, what they do have and where they are going.  

The world isnt always full of daisies and roses, ya know.  Sometimes one has to look at whether they are part of the problem.

The people are nice enough but relatively clueless to how other places work and how good they might have it.  

Nobody owes you anything in this lifetime and if you think they do, you are gonna have a hard go at it waiting for someone to save you.

Life is hard. Suck. It. Up.

Getting Older

It appears as we age we start to understand a little bit about life.  It's about the people we spend our time with, the way we treat others and the laughter we share as we get older.  It's about that bond and the feeling you get when your with someone.  Sometimes, it's just there and even sitting in silence is a wonderful experience.

Sometimes, even that special bond isn't enough to keep someone special.

I'm not sure I have lived my life the way I should have.  I should have stopped dating long ago perhaps? I'm told by friends and family that I'm alone because I don't settle but little do people know it's because I HAVE settled that I sit here in the middle half of my life by myself.

If I would have had a better standard of quality of person I dated I would still have someone by my side.  Maybe.

It seems most people I have dated tend to think that after 2-4 years it's always better with someone else.  But like clockwork, after some time with someone else they realize what they had in me wasn't so bad after all and they end up on my doorstep.

I don't know about you, but this chick thinks it's pretty romantical to have some guy come back for her.  I mean, the courage it takes to admit they were wrong?  That's hard. 

Problem is, they never really mean it. They think they do but they never do WHAT IT TAKES to make it work out.

They are still stuck with 'the grass is always greener' issue only this time, I'M the other girl.  It feels like you're being rejected all over again once you realize they are full of shit and aren't leaving the other chick.  I suppose some chicks would think it's great to be the other girl to the chick you were dumped for but I think it's super shitty.

It just shows what a skank the dude is after all.  It's like all that matters is HIS feelings and no one elses.  Does the dude stop to think that maybe the chick he is with deserves better?  Or maybe the chick he is professing his love too was doing just fine without him???

Why do dudes think it's OK for chicks to share them?  Why wouldn't they end what they have before coming back?  I will tell you why.

They are fucking cowards!!  Heaven forbid they are ALONE for two minutes without someone stroking their cock and their ego telling them how fantastic they are and how much we can't live without them.

The thing is, if someone loves you then you should be enough to have all of them - ALL of the time.  Sharing isn't an option.  No amount of talking makes up for real action and time spent together.

My most recent experience with a guy has nearly convinced me to never date again.  In my 25 years of dating experience, I think I have reached my tolerance for the crap people spew out of their mouths all in the name of love.

Love doesn't hurt and anyone telling you it does is selling you a load of bull shit.  Like, the kind that sticks up the whole damn neighborhood when you are driving by.

No amount of Febreeze can take that stench away.

It Was Real

I loved him with everything I had and yet it was not enough.  I think of him every day.

When will it stop??  I wish it would end.

My Wishlist - #1

Everyone needs to have a dating wishlist and I have thought of a few things I want in my future man.

1. He's a good dude and people like him.
2. He's good with kids but is OK not having any or open to adoption.
3. He doesn't say things like, "Yo, those people are good shit" or have a mullet or anything close to looking mullet-ish.
4. He knows how to cook.
5. He has a running vehicle that is safe to drive in.
6. He works.
7. He does things without being told or can take care of himself without assistance.
8. He doesn't believe he is King Arthur from the round table and he is reincarnated in this life to meet me, his Guinevere.
9. He knows how to fix random things about the house should they break.
10. He knows how to handle one of my ranting meltdowns.
11. He's a maverick in bed.
12. He's not a smoker, alcoholic or have a secret love affair with chew.
13. He is honest and knows that trust is the most important thing in a relationship.
14. He is funny.
15. He manscapes...but not too much!
16. He isn't afraid of sharks while taking a bath.
17. He is completely sure he is attracted only to chicks, preferably to That One Chick You Know.
18. He is a good conversationalist.
19. He is super smart.
20. He isn't afraid to dress up when needed.

I reserve the right to continue listing more things as I think of them....  I'm just getting started.

Finally Home....

So the verdict is in and I totally love my new home.  It's bigger, brighter and completely mold free.  The kitchen is nearly double the size and has an island and everything!!

Omgosh!  Pinch me!!

It's amazing what things make us excited as we get older; like, an extra bathroom, large walk-in closets, heated parking and lots of windows with amazing sunshine.  I feel like I've won the lottery or something.

Perhaps I have?  :o)

Hurt

This song speaks volumes to me.   It's one of my favorite Johnny Cash tunes....  ever.

Tears

Washington Irving once said, "There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness but of power.  They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." 

A new home.
A new job.
A new city.
A new beginning.

How can something so great be so scary and exciting at the same time?

Here I go, tears and all