LOVE

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another"


Sometimes, it's OK to love yourself more.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What you DO speaks so loud that I CANNOT hear what you say.

Oscar Wilde

Never love anyone that treats you like you're ordinary.

True Love

The line to be served reached the door when I entered the local coffee house today. Two more house showings and not wanting to be to far from home, lunch and free WI-fi sounded like a good idea. Church was out and family after family stood patiently in line for their Sunday meal.  

In front of me was an elderly couple waiting for their chance to order.  After a few short minutes and nearly to the register, the elderly woman, standing gingerly with her walker, grew weary and wanted to sit down.  

Her husband, concerned, slowly pointed to where she should sit to rest while he waited to order. As she began to walk, she recognized a couple near her and headed their way. Talking to the couple as if they were old friends, they looked at each other perplexed.  

The husband exclaimed, "Oh No Honey!" with the breathy rasp of old age in his voice. He swiftly left the line to save the couple from the unknown intrusion and slowly guided her to an open seat in the very back of the restaurant. 

As I glanced back on the crowd of faces, a growing look of concern flashed in unison.  The next person in line stepped forward as the line moved and I stopped myself from closing the gap.  Expecting anger and impatience from the massive crowd behind me since the line now far extending past the first lobby door almost out of the restaurant, the crowd stood still and watched. 

One of the three cashiers opened up and I was technically the next person to order with the elderly couple no longer in front of me.  Noticing the three young children with the couple behind me, I asked them if they wanted to go ahead of me while I waited for the man to return. They refused and so did the couple after them.  

The cashier stopped asking to help the next in line when he noticed the crowds focus. The entire line of people watched the man remove his wife's coat, guide her in her chair and kiss her on the cheek while softly caressing her hand before moving to the front of the restaurant once again. Confused not knowing where he was in line, he headed to the very back.   Unplanned but surprisingly together, the crowd and I guided him to where he was once standing.  Grateful, he took his order, paid and moved down the line to gather his food. 

By this time, I had a chance to order and waited with him.  He glanced over to me and rasped with effort, "Thanks for saving an old man's spot!"  

I smiled and said, "No problem" and watched as his many plates come up for pick up.  About to offer to help him bring the plates to his seat, the manager and two of the cooks left their stations and assisted the man to his seat.  

I sat near the elderly couple unintentionally as the place had few spaces left to sit.  Not focused on them at first as I started eating and plugged in my laptop, I couldn't help but notice the obvious sitting in front of me.  

They ate in silence. She gazed blankly out the window and he watched her unaware of anyone sitting nearby. He guided her hand as it shook uncontrollably, wiped her face clean and assisted her with dignity throughout the meal.

I couldn't help but wonder to myself, is this unconditional true love the princess and knight and shining armor stories talk about?   Here was a man that cared more about showing his ailing wife love than to hurry back to a spot in line in a busy restaurant.  He showered her with affection even when he received nothing in return.  

Not even recognition.  

I have struggled for years to find a connection with someone that shares even the smallest qualities of this interaction.  Thinking I had finally found it only to be wrong? One starts to believe that perhaps not everyone is meant to have it.  Maybe we are here to learn specific things about life and only some of us souls are lucky enough to reach a point in our existence to share such a profound ability to love and be cared for? 


I mean, we all have a role to play in the world. Each role is so different and although we may strive to be the same or similar to the other, not everyone can get it right or even SHOULD get it right.


Furthermore; who's to say being in a loving committed relationship is the right path for anyone?  In today's stereotypical society, it might be the ultimate goal for most.  However each individual?  I beg to disagree.  

To love or not to love, that is the question.  Or perhaps the question should be poised, to allow love or not to allow love?


Either way your feel about it, you can't help but be in awe when you see love unadulterated and pure from people that have every reason to be angry, lost and ambivalent after so many years together CHOOSE to be kind to each other. Even in the face of great peril as with an illness such as Alzheimer's.

What I saw today was love; real true love from a dignified man of character and a bustling, chaotic restaurant came to a halt in the middle of a Sunday lunch hour to witness it with me. 

It allowed me to see my 'unrealistic' yet very substantial dreams of love in a visual manner directly in front of me as if I were watching it on an old Hollywood film. 

It took my breath away....

Tattoo's & Vajayjay's --- Chino

Although I totally dig getting tattoo's I never thought I would have the opportunity to trade a tattoo for some, umm.....  vajayjay action.  

Yes, I said it. 

The term all woman heard around the world when Oprah revealed it to the masses.   For those of you that don't know, VaJayJay is another word for your *whispering*  Kootchie..... or better know as your Knish, Princess Pee Pee,  Juicy,  Stinky,  Potty,  Box,  Sassy,  Snorker,  Hole,  Mary,  Puppick,  Patootie,  Jamido,   Ya-ya, and V-Zsa-Zsa.

Some ladies even refer to it by name.  For instance, one could say "I can't go swimming because Jasmine has the stigmata". I think you get the picture and if you don't, you should be reading some other middle aged single chicks blog that talks about crocheting and needlepoint.  

I digress....

Although I was skeptical to answer this ad, I thought, what do I have to lose except a little dignity and a bit of innocence?

Need to get inked? - m4w - 37

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Have you been wanted to get tattooed but have no money? Need to get that pussy ate out? Maybe we can help each other out. I lov we to eat pussy you need a tattoo. I am an experienced tattoo artist looking to trade. If your interested hit m er up. Would like to get something today? Well email me, listen carefully you must put "love ink" in the subject line. This will help me weed out the spam, everything else will be deleted. Open to all races, sizes. Please include a pic. Thank you for looking. Today is Oct. 21 st. 2011

ME: Am I too late?  Was it a one day deal??

CHINO: Send me a pic I can work we ith yoi
CHINO: Are you interested?

ME: So if I understand this correctly, I get a tattoo AND you lick my vajayjay?

CHINO: Yepp, you have a pic?
CHINO: I use new needles and new tubes everytime. The tattoo can be as big.as.you want it too

ME: Where is yours? (I send a photo of some chick pulled from the internet that is young and completely skanky beautiful enough for him to believe it's real)

CHINO: Here are a couple pics (He sends me one of his face and one of his.... Mr. Snuffalupagus.  I can't lie. At first I was completely *grossed out* and then I was like, Dude. is. packin'.  For real.  If I wasn't all Ms. Houtie Toutie on morals, have self worth, dignity and was totally a PROSTITUTE... I'd consider the dude....)
CHINO: Well, did you get my pics? If you have design already that's good, if not I can design for you. Just tell me what you would like to get done.

ME: Woah Mr!  You have got something going on down there. Remember Snuffalupagus from Sesame Street? Totally reminds me of that.....I told a few girlfriends about you and they might be interested too.  Is that OK? I was hoping to get a heart with the name Derek 4-Ever written on it.  He's my fiance.  Do you think it would be OK if he watched you do it?

CHINO: What is boyfriend gonna be ok with us going at it?
CHINO: Send me a pic, a fullbody pic

ME: I was gonna surprise him with it.  Like, you know how when a couple talks about their fantasy's?  Well, this is one of his.  To see me with another dude.  I thought it would be perfect for our anniversary.  Last year, I surprised him with another man and he really got into him.  You wouldn't mind if Derek decided to join in would you?  You're totally his type.

When I saw your ad I just knew you were the type of guy that would go for something like this.  Is it OK if we film it?  We like to document our naughty play so we can enjoy it later. 

(I send him a full body pic of a chick that is hidden in the dark, no face can be seen with the words "Isn't it sexy??" written with it - very artsy...) 

CHINO: Srnd me a pic where I can see you not just yout sihlouette. And yeah it's cool If he joins in. I'm down for whatever.i know we can make it work. Now with that said send m ed a pic. I can swing either way. Like to top.

ME: You don't like my picture?


CHINO: I can't see anything it's all dark.
CHINO: I'm not into flakes. So if your real and you wanna do this send mr the pics. Send me pics of you and your man together. Like I said I like to top. And nothing would surprise me no th even you. Hint, Hint. So don't be afraid to show your true colors. Let me see what you havr to offer.
CHINO: Well? (he gave me like 2-3 minutes before sending this follow up.... can we say impatient??)

ME: Woah dude, hold up n check yourself because this chick isn't gonna take you callin' me a flake or whatever.  Look Mr....  I sent you pictures of what you asked for.  You can't see my body shape from the photo? Which by the way was taken by a really great photographer when I was in Chicago last month.  I thought you would like the artsy touch since your supposed to be an artist yourself but instead you're getting all aggro on me because I'm not showing my kootchie outright? 

This negative energy doesn't sit right with me. This is supposed to be a fun surprise, not some military assignment and isn't True Colors a song that Cyndi Lauper used to sing in the 80's?

This relationship didn't turn out like I had hoped.  I have no tattoo and Jasmine wasn't gonna get any action.  Sounds like my make-believe boytoy Derek would have gotten a little bit more attention then I would have....  

What's a girl gotta do to find love in this town??

Naked House Cleaning --- BlueGreen205

Imagine my she-grin when I noticed this ad in the platonic section...

Nude housecleaning/household help - m4w - 38

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Responsible professional male (6'0", 180, athletic) who likes to clean in the nude available for housekeeping duties or household help (sorry, can't do windows!). No charge.

Obviously, a single gal like myself that hates cleaning really can't pass up an opportunity like this, right?  I mean, a girl has needs just as well as a dude does and as long as it's 'platonic' and my dishes get done, all the better! 


I thought I would check it out and see what this guy had to offer me.

ME: So you are going to come to my house and clean my house for free?  AND you'll be naked?  For free?  Do you have a photo?

BlueGreen205: Yes, if you'd like to trade.

ME: I just need my house cleaned dude and it doesn't say anything about needing to send random pictures of myself to some random naked house cleaner guy. What does it matter what I look like if you just want to clean my house and be naked doing it?  

I can only assume you want to see what I look like so you can see if I'm worth cleaning naked for??? Or perhaps you are looking for some *Bowchickawowow* while your 'cleaning' duties are taking place?

If so, I strongly recommend you take your ad out of the platonic section and advertise in the 'I want sex while cleaning houses' section.  Furthermore, do I need to be present to watch you do this? It's only fair to see you in a photo.  That way I can know whether or not I will want to be present while you clean naked in my house. 

I mean, do you man-scape?  Will there be random pubes floating around after you leave?  If you don't do windows, can you recommend a non-naked cleaning dude that does? 

Do I need to tip?  I'm not much of a tipper and where would I put it if your naked anyway?

You should think about getting a g-string.  

So far, I haven't heard back from him but I'm sure if I give it a little time, he'll respond.  Maybe.  If not, at least you have some reassurance that naked house cleaner guys are out there if you should ever need one.

I know I'm relieved.... 

The Angry Dater --- JOSEPH

At some point, single people come to a point in their dating career and they are pissed off.  Not just pissed off....
 
PISSED. 

OFF.


Obviously from the way this ad was written, I saw that this guy had had enough of chicks going for the obvious bad choice and couldn't help but place the ad of his dreams.  

I admire a guy with a sense of humor so I had to thank the guy for the laugh and wished him luck on his journey.  With all the kindness in the world, Joseph wrote me back to thank me.  I appreciated the courtesy of a Thank you.  I mean, kindness is the only free thing we have left in this world really....


See below for an absolute masterpiece....

Dire Artist - 27

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I've always wanted to do this and see what sort of response, if any, I'd get. I am a 27 year old crippling alcoholic with no real world ambition. I am perfectly comfortable doing nothing but dousing myself in a fifth of vodka a day and writing page after page of text that no one will ever read or care about for the rest of my life. I live in a hotel. I have a day job which affords me enough money to live in a hotel comfortably with a nice sum left over for leisure. I have not had this job long however, and will likely get fired any day now. I do not have a car and don't particularly care about getting one in the near future, as whatever money I have I spend frivolously. I prefer taking cabs. I am a confident liar. I traded in my crippling heroin addiction for my crippling alcoholism because the latter seems to work better. I'm just that artistic and badass, I know. If you are looking for an emaciated male (with that junkie-chic look that every girl goes for) to waste away with in a nihilistic frenzy of romantic mutual self destruction please email me. No fat chicks.

Junk In The Trunk --- ALEX

Don't get me wrong.  I don't think that setting people up to make asses out of themselves is something that I set out to do but when I see an ad like this....  I can't help myself.

Hey Where the Thick Girls at? Big Butts? Junk in Trunk? - 37

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Must be some thick women on this site?

Ok so i posted the same few days ago and what did i get bunch of hoe's sellin themselves Thanx but NO THANX! Not lookin to pay for sex and im also not goin to sign up to any other site to get at u so Please dont bother and fill my email with the junk! Im lookin for lady friends! Please be thick im an assman the bigger the better love the hips. Im good with gettin to no u and takin my time if thats what u want i'm good with that as well let hangout go watch a movie or find a cozy diner for coffee and convo, lets walk around **** takin in the sights Please if u the real deal respond with pics and the word THICK in subject.

So you can see how this guy really knows how to romance a lady.  I thought, why not see what Mr. Assman is all about.

ME: Any luck finding your perfect ass?  (with full length picture of me showing my backside attached)

ALEX: No. Urs lOoks good. Can I see it nude? ME:  naww...  sorry ALEX:  fuck me. im married  ME: Oh ALEX!!  You're so romantical.... What is a girl to do??? ALEX:  fuck me ME:  You're such a neanderthal.... ohhhhhh ALEX:  plz let me lick ur shitter ME:  I'm not sure Alex.  That is such a big step and there are so many things to consider. ALEX: like what?  ME: Like, to bleach or not to bleach....   Should I wax?  Will their be photography? Webcam?  Do you think your wife will want to watch?   It will be my first time, are you gentle? ALEX: huh? ME: Pretty overwhelming isn't it?  I knew this one girl that let her man go down there without 'preparations' and it wasn't all smiles and cupcakes if you know what I mean.   I take no chances. I'm still waiting for Alex's response but rest assured I will update you as soon as I hear from him.  Dating is so stressful and makes a girl on edge for sure. I'm not sure what I will do with myself until I hear from him. I'm sure I will think of something.....

Welcome Friends!

So the other night I was at a local coffee shop using their internet and I was 'lucky' enough to witness something a bit spectacular.  It was moving, gripping, sad, and absolutely one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen in my life.


I was compelled to tell my friends on FB the play by play of the unfolding action.  Here is a transcript of the action.  To make it easier to read, I removed all of the comments of friends that watched the action with me via the computer....

STATUS: I'm sitting at (local coffee house) listening to a dude dump his girlfriend. He just keeps talking and talking and talking and she is just sitting there. Motionless. Tears streaming down her face trying to hold them back in the middle of a middle class bagel house. I wanna go kick him. 

COMMENTS: oh great - so now, there is a like a happier than happy pregnant couple sitting next to them..... This is like a lifetime movie.... 

OK, She's starting to speak.... stay tuned.

‎".....I cooked your food, washed your clothes, paid your bills, sucked you d@&$! and you're breaking up with me because you have needs? Give me your key...." 

I can't type quick enough....

He's all like, what do you mean? I'm not giving you my key - we both pay rent...

He just got up to dump his garbage...

Prego couple is moving seats

OK - so asked her if she needed help or wanted to go grab a drink and she was thankful and told me "Thank you but we aren't finished here...." 

Folks... it's gonna get good....

I gave him the evil eye 

She's almost whispering -- can't hear her... 

banter back and fourth and then I hear.... "remember when I said it was good? I lied then and every time after that" she's grabbing her stuff and going for his keys 

She dropped some stuff 

BOOOOYAAA!!!! 

OK so she picks up her stuff, walks to the door and turns back and practically screams -- YOUR Penis is the SIZE OF A MIDGETS THUMB YOU AssHole!! 

I love (local coffee house). BEST. Meal. EVER! 

Dude is like purple pink he is so embarrassed 

Dude leaves after he watches her leave the parking lot. coward.

Omgosh -- that was so much better than the prayer group meeting last night. Prego couple finished eating in like, record time and are getting their coats on to leave

SO watching this happen reminded me of a site I used to have back in the day.  It was called Hatin' Datin' and I would put all the transcripts of the evildoer men I was dating and the crazy ass stuff they would say to me on a site for all to read.

I thought it was time to come out of retirement....