Tattoo's & Vajayjay's --- Chino

Although I totally dig getting tattoo's I never thought I would have the opportunity to trade a tattoo for some, umm.....  vajayjay action.  

Yes, I said it. 

The term all woman heard around the world when Oprah revealed it to the masses.   For those of you that don't know, VaJayJay is another word for your *whispering*  Kootchie..... or better know as your Knish, Princess Pee Pee,  Juicy,  Stinky,  Potty,  Box,  Sassy,  Snorker,  Hole,  Mary,  Puppick,  Patootie,  Jamido,   Ya-ya, and V-Zsa-Zsa.

Some ladies even refer to it by name.  For instance, one could say "I can't go swimming because Jasmine has the stigmata". I think you get the picture and if you don't, you should be reading some other middle aged single chicks blog that talks about crocheting and needlepoint.  

I digress....

Although I was skeptical to answer this ad, I thought, what do I have to lose except a little dignity and a bit of innocence?

Need to get inked? - m4w - 37

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Have you been wanted to get tattooed but have no money? Need to get that pussy ate out? Maybe we can help each other out. I lov we to eat pussy you need a tattoo. I am an experienced tattoo artist looking to trade. If your interested hit m er up. Would like to get something today? Well email me, listen carefully you must put "love ink" in the subject line. This will help me weed out the spam, everything else will be deleted. Open to all races, sizes. Please include a pic. Thank you for looking. Today is Oct. 21 st. 2011

ME: Am I too late?  Was it a one day deal??

CHINO: Send me a pic I can work we ith yoi
CHINO: Are you interested?

ME: So if I understand this correctly, I get a tattoo AND you lick my vajayjay?

CHINO: Yepp, you have a pic?
CHINO: I use new needles and new tubes everytime. The tattoo can be as big.as.you want it too

ME: Where is yours? (I send a photo of some chick pulled from the internet that is young and completely skanky beautiful enough for him to believe it's real)

CHINO: Here are a couple pics (He sends me one of his face and one of his.... Mr. Snuffalupagus.  I can't lie. At first I was completely *grossed out* and then I was like, Dude. is. packin'.  For real.  If I wasn't all Ms. Houtie Toutie on morals, have self worth, dignity and was totally a PROSTITUTE... I'd consider the dude....)
CHINO: Well, did you get my pics? If you have design already that's good, if not I can design for you. Just tell me what you would like to get done.

ME: Woah Mr!  You have got something going on down there. Remember Snuffalupagus from Sesame Street? Totally reminds me of that.....I told a few girlfriends about you and they might be interested too.  Is that OK? I was hoping to get a heart with the name Derek 4-Ever written on it.  He's my fiance.  Do you think it would be OK if he watched you do it?

CHINO: What is boyfriend gonna be ok with us going at it?
CHINO: Send me a pic, a fullbody pic

ME: I was gonna surprise him with it.  Like, you know how when a couple talks about their fantasy's?  Well, this is one of his.  To see me with another dude.  I thought it would be perfect for our anniversary.  Last year, I surprised him with another man and he really got into him.  You wouldn't mind if Derek decided to join in would you?  You're totally his type.

When I saw your ad I just knew you were the type of guy that would go for something like this.  Is it OK if we film it?  We like to document our naughty play so we can enjoy it later. 

(I send him a full body pic of a chick that is hidden in the dark, no face can be seen with the words "Isn't it sexy??" written with it - very artsy...) 

CHINO: Srnd me a pic where I can see you not just yout sihlouette. And yeah it's cool If he joins in. I'm down for whatever.i know we can make it work. Now with that said send m ed a pic. I can swing either way. Like to top.

ME: You don't like my picture?


CHINO: I can't see anything it's all dark.
CHINO: I'm not into flakes. So if your real and you wanna do this send mr the pics. Send me pics of you and your man together. Like I said I like to top. And nothing would surprise me no th even you. Hint, Hint. So don't be afraid to show your true colors. Let me see what you havr to offer.
CHINO: Well? (he gave me like 2-3 minutes before sending this follow up.... can we say impatient??)

ME: Woah dude, hold up n check yourself because this chick isn't gonna take you callin' me a flake or whatever.  Look Mr....  I sent you pictures of what you asked for.  You can't see my body shape from the photo? Which by the way was taken by a really great photographer when I was in Chicago last month.  I thought you would like the artsy touch since your supposed to be an artist yourself but instead you're getting all aggro on me because I'm not showing my kootchie outright? 

This negative energy doesn't sit right with me. This is supposed to be a fun surprise, not some military assignment and isn't True Colors a song that Cyndi Lauper used to sing in the 80's?

This relationship didn't turn out like I had hoped.  I have no tattoo and Jasmine wasn't gonna get any action.  Sounds like my make-believe boytoy Derek would have gotten a little bit more attention then I would have....  

What's a girl gotta do to find love in this town??